Have you been in a situation that you knew was all wrong for you?
We’ve all been there.
• Have you been in a job that you knew was a dead end or completely inappropriate for you and yet you stayed on and on?
• Have you been in a relationship that was not working out and no longer bringing you any happiness and yet you persisted?
I once attended a lecture given by Rosita Perez. The title of her talk was, “When the horse is dead get off”. She was referring to those situations that we all find ourselves in from time to time. We know that we tried our best at that dead end job or at that unfulfilling relationship and we have reached a point of no return. What was once a great source of happiness is no longer compatible with who we are and what we want for ourselves.
We reached the point where we feel that enough is enough and we need to move on but yet we don’t.
We think that if we could just try a little harder, if we just persist a little longer, if we could just give it a little more time than it will all work out.
And it doesn’t ever work out.
So – The horse is dead – but we don’t get off. Why we don’t take action and move on? How is our life drastically affected by our refusing to move on?
Let me tell you of some of the short and long term effects that not moving on will have on your life.
Why do we persist with a job or a relationship that we know is all wrong for us?
1. It is familiar to you. One of the primary reasons is that it is a known and comfortable part of your life and that you know what you have.
2. You have feelings of fear and lack. I have heard women say that they are not happy with an important and intimate relationship, but it is better than being alone. It is better than the unknown. Who know what else is out there? They don’t want to be alone again. It is better than nothing. Who knows what the next relationship will be like? It may be a lot worse. If you move on you will travel into the unknown. The thought of being alone prevents you from getting out.
3. You hope that things will get better. You are optimistic. You are hopeful that although things are not right that they will improve. You feel that if you just work at it a little longer that things will get better.
4. You have resigned yourself to a life that is less than what you know it can be. You have stopped dreaming. You have been putting up with a set of circumstances for so long that it has become the status quo. It feels normal. Sure there may been all kinds of side effects – you are always tired, always unhappy, always moody, you may be in therapy, or on anti depressants – but it has reached a point that it feels normal to you and you have accepted it.
5. You may feel guilty. A friend of mine felt very guilty about leaving her lover because he was a nice man and certainly cared for her and was trying his best to make her happy. She wasn’t happy with him though for many reasons. She felt that they could coexist forever – but she would always feel the lack in their relationship. She cared for him and wanted the best for him – but this was not a good relationship for her. And she felt guilty. He was doing nothing wrong intentionally.
6. You may have a lack of belief in your abilities to have a something better in the future. I have heard women just give up on ever finding a fulfilling relationship. They feel that they would like to find a fulfilling relationship; they thought that it would never happen.
7. You don’t move on because you think that if you do, you have failed at something. This can’t be further from the truth. All that we can ever do is the best that we can for as long as we can.
The Cost of Not Moving On
1. You are not just losing time and contentment but you are losing a part of yourself. You are settling for a life that is less than what you want and less than you deserve. You are cutting yourself off from those things that will bring you happiness and fulfillment and meaning to your life. You are also cutting yourself off from giving to others. You are cutting yourself off from creating a meaningful life.
2. You are not open to new relationships because you are bogged down with one that is draining you. You are not available to anyone new in fact you are probably not even going to see someone who is perfect for you because this relationship is draining your energy and your inner resources. And you are not open to a new career because it takes all of your energy to deal with the one that you have.
3. If you don’t get out you become part of the problem. Your vibration changes. Your expectation changes. Your behavior changes. And you let the problem persist. You have agreed to the ground rules by your lack of actions and things will flow from there.
Nature is telling you that there is something else for you and you are telling nature – “Oh I know but I think I’ll do this instead”
Think about what will happen to you if you stay. You will get sicker and more tired and depressed.
4. Most important look at what you are doing to yourself. You will always be focusing on the negative. Your energy will be used in coping and working at something that will not work. You focus on what needs to be fixed and not on the wonderful possibilities of what life has to offer and what you have to offer life.
You are always focused on lack and not on creation.
It will zap your energy
If will zap your self esteem
It will slow down your life
It will make your life something less than what you want it to be.
The benefits of moving on are enormous. You have the potential of a more interesting life, new ideas, new people, and new worlds.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us”
~ Joseph Campbell